“My faith didn't allow me to wait for chance, and chance didn't give me enough faith.”

“My faith didn't allow me to wait for chance, and chance didn't give me enough faith.”

I came across this quote while watching Possession (1981) out of nowhere in the middle of the night for two hours, just because I came across this movie on Pinterest.

Faith and chance are sisters, as said in the movie. They rarely align and if it never, then it create a space for existential anxiety in the individual. If we look at today's romantic relationships in this generation, it’s a perfect example of this quote.

In the evening, I was watching some famous influencer’s wedding vlog on YouTube and wondered when we would get to meet such a loyal partner for the long term and get to marry them. But a part of me knows that nothing is certain. I might be getting jealous of these people on the screen who are having grand weddings after 10-15 years of dating, but anything can happen. 

Marriage is like visible golden strands of promises, building bridges we’ve made to stay with each other. If a crack is visible in the promise, we try to ignore it and forgive and forgive that person. But sometimes, that chance–the marriage—doesn't mean you'll have faith just like you had initially in them. You might remain ignorant, but your heart will twist no matter how much you try to trust them. It’s not beautiful like the way a sunflower twists itself in the sun of faith. This twist in the heart is darker than one can imagine. The heart that once held trust and faith’s hand is now nothing but armless, unable to hold either faith or their lover.

This is the quote where it hits me more: when people once had faith in their partner and their relationship, and had hope for marriage the next year after his proposal, but she turned away and let her back face him in the light of the faith—and the shadow where he found his feet firm never allowed him to get to the chance, marriage. It slipped effortlessly through his hands. The faith was there, but the chance?

And suppose if the chance (marriage) could occur, if she tries to come back with the glow of hope—will it be reciprocated by the significant other? Never. When the chance came back, faith eroded. Out of betrayal or outgrowing each other—whatever the reason could be—their hearts can't align, just as faith and chance couldn’t in their lives.

This example helped me understand this quote at a deeper level, especially when I recalled the stories of my friends who let their hearts blindly be devoted in love, but after betrayal, they just couldn't stand with faith no matter how many chances said hello to them. Life is a living hell in both conditions. Faith does not allow you to wait for chance, and chance doesn't give you enough faith. You can't be happy without the other. If one is the body, the other is the soul. It’s futile, even if one is missing.

This brings light to the question of fate and free will. In my opinion, both play their role without always being loud. No matter how much you think you're in control, circumstances will either directly slap you or hold your face in their palm to kiss you with tragedy—slowly but surely. And letting go of all control means you're not brave enough to live your life and are cowardly enough to let your hands be held by fate. You call it trusting in a supreme power, but this isn’t trust; this is total resignation without any will of your own to live life authentically.